Suspecting your spouse of cheating can be heart wrenching. Knowing for sure may not be any better. However, once you do know for sure you are faced with a very difficult decision that will impact you, your marriage, your children, and your extended family.
The first, obvious thing to consider is, will you seek a divorce or not? You may have already made up your mind to end the marriage, and the cheating may be the final nail in the coffin. Your survival plan in this case is to learn as much as you possibly can about the laws that govern adultery and divorce in your state. Use the internet to search for information on "survive cheating spouse" to assemble sources of useful information. Talk to a lawyer, and take no action without your lawyer's consent. If you are the innocent spouse, you have a much stronger moral position than the guilty spouse. Don't risk anything that gives up the moral high ground.
If you believe that your marriage can be saved, you still need to be careful about your next steps. Don't lash out, or go out and have an affair of your own to get even or extract revenge. While this may seem counter-intuitive, take great care in turning to your family members. If you are going to save your marriage, you will need these people to support both you and your spouse. It is far too easy for most siblings and parents to demonize the offending spouse. That will not help any reconciliation efforts.
Consider instead talking first to a professional counselor or a religious advisor. While you may feel like you are on an island, and that nobody can possibly understand what you are going through, the fact is that you and your marriage may be able to survive a cheating spouse, and these people will be invaluable in helping you to do so. You must first learn about your own capacity to forgive and trust.
However, even if you are committed to the survival, and even renewal of your marriage, your spouse may not be. Your spouse may have already decided that the marriage is over, and the adultery may be their way of stamping their exit papers. While you may know of one cheating event, your spouse may be practicing serial infidelity. Your spouse may be taking revenge on you for your infidelity. Your spouse may even be attracted to someone of their own gender. These can be very difficult problems to work around.
A key indicator to the success of your efforts is the attitude taken by your spouse. Are they sorry? If so, there is a chance. Repentance is a sign that the spouse is willing to make an effort. No repentance, however, or flat out taunting, is just the opposite. While there is no one set script for how to survive a cheating spouse, there is no doubt that, one way or the other, you will indeed survive. It may not feel like it now, but with time and work, you will make it.
